Saayii Tolof – Part 179 EPISODE 14 (Difficult Marriages – Nyaaka Wahtaan Chi Saaye)

At Worsack’ House
“I need to go and face my problems squarely. I cannot run from my shadows,” Worsack told D.K, who was displeased.
As soon as he arrived home, he went straight to the bed head and read Day’s notes while she woke up and was waiting for a response.   “Is that all you want? You don’t want any part of the property?” Wor asked very surprised.
“That’s all what I want. I married you when you were struggling and have sacrificed everything for our family to reach this status. Let us start talking to each other every day before going to bed for a period of one month with no conditions attached and after which we can divorced which I’ll not contest.”
“That is nonsense! I have nothing to discuss with you since you are not contesting any divorce. Set me free! I want to go to someone for love which you can no longer give me.”
“The 30 minutes talk will give out the details why you want to quit a marriage of 15 years which is blessed with a son.”
It was an emotional decision.

At the Counseling Centre
 Samacat Ngotu
She is a woman of God; a Pastor who is kind, compassionate, generous, god fearing and easy to approach. She had fundraise and built a Counselling Centre for women/girls which is a popular spot where beneficiaries go for counseling, fun and pray for god’s intervention.

Yaaye loves to visit the Centre. She therefore took Day there to be counseled.

Today’ Lecture is on Communication
Ngotu spoke at length about the many aspects of communication.
Lies: said “Some women/girls like to tell lies to their spouses which is very dangerous because when he finds out you’ll be in his bad books for ever. My dear ladies whatever the situation is always come out frank to your man and speak the truth to him. There is only one exception and that is if telling the truth would cause more harm than good, as the saying goes: ‘fenn buiye jagarr mo gaine buiye yahaa’ (a lie that builds is better than the one that spoils). This is where you give your partner a second chance if he/she makes a mistake and if exposed, he/she her/his marriage will continue forever, but if you keep the secret and speak frankly to him/her, she/her would adjust and quit the bad habit forever.”

Theft: “Stealing from your spouse as some do to their partners is not a virtue. Tell him/her your problem and if she/he decides to help, then it is okay and if not, you find other dignified ways of getting what you want. But never take what he/she does not give you because if he/she ever finds out then that’s the basis of distrust forever.”

Secret: “If there is trust there will be no secret. Assess your relationship as you know yourself better. Can you share your secret with your spouse? If you can then do it do it and if you cannot, don’t do it as you should never be naïve.
A lady told me a sad story that after sharing a vital secret with a spouse, he later changed and remarried a second wife whom she told her the secret and the rival used it as a weapon to discredit the first wife. Up to this day, she is always regretting her action and has advised women/girls never to trust a man no matter what he says or does when the relationship is positive.
We should not stereotype but must weigh our actions against all odds.”

Exposing Self: “Don’t expose family secrets as well as yours to your spouse. Just like in sharing secrets you can be very vulnerable because the experiences of victims/survivors are often used against them and you can be hurt.”

Flirting: “Men flirt and it is natural to society but what about women? How do we affect our children when we women play bond? Would they respect us? Can we follow men and say we don’t care because my spouse does it?
My answer is no because it becomes costly when women do it and people start pointing fingers and say “she is Mindorr’, Modou’, Fatima’, Hoyan’s mother playing bond.” How would we feel? Are we not hurting our children/wards? Whatever our spouses do, it is their business. Let us stay put; be chaste for ourselves not for anyone and we are not sex objects to anybody.”
The women who were present shook their head and applauded her.

Not Attractive to your Spouse: “Being attractive and clean is not vanity. You can wear clean clothes that are not necessarily expensive and try to look good. You could put on a nice scent and be appealing to your spouse and not to give him the excuse or pretext to go astray.”
On that point, Day felt guilty and adjusted herself and was now more attentive to the lecture.
After the session, Samacat met the duo and praised them for attending,
“Have you enjoyed the lectures?”
“Yes, we do and I’ll be bringing her to church as often as possible.”
“No, this is not a church, even though I’m a pastor. It is a Counseling Centre for people of all faiths. We do pray in all the religions that are being practiced in the country.”

They bade her good bye and left.

Enroute: “Why have you not opened up to her? She is very caring and would have given you a personal advice.”
“Not now. Give me more time to attend the sessions and make a decision as and when to open up for counseling.”
“Okay, my lady! I’ll give you more time to open up.”

They come Home: Day went to the dining room and found the food untouched by her husband and she moaned.
“Look at it Yaaye. He has not touched the food. What’s happening? Where have I gone wrong? What is more frustrating to a wife who served her food is for her husband to refuse to eat it? Things are falling apart and Wor is destroying my very being. I cannot take it anymore.”

Yaaye
“Open up to him. Isn’t he your husband? Also don’t forget that prayers is a strong weapon to believers.
She took a defeatist posture.
“Haven’t I been a good wife to him? I love him and gave him everything to make him happy; my life and my career. I’m an Accountant by profession and have opted to stay at home to be a good wife and mom. I have even changed my profession to become an Event Planner in order to be able to take care of our 12 year old son,” she said sobbing bitterly.
“Don’t be hard upon yourself, you are a great woman,” counseled Yaaye.
To be Cont.